Writing 101, Day Thirteen: Serial Killer II

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“Earlier in the course, you wrote about losing something. Today, write about finding something. For your twist, view day four’s post and today’s post as installments in a series.”

I lost my best friend, Rose. to breast cancer more than six months ago. Once, I reached closure and accepted Rose’s death, I realized:

“As I grow older, my circle of girlfriends grows smaller. Reconnecting with those girlfriends that I have disconnected from is one of my top priorities.” (Day Four: The Serial Killer)

I recently reached out to reconnect and re-establish a relationship with two girlfriends from my past. One, I separated from due to a disagreement; and, the other neglect.

Disagreement

More than twenty-five years later, I still have no idea what caused the disagreement that severed the seven-year relationship with Danny. It just happened without even a departing argument. The disagreement was serious enough for Danny to “no-show” at our eldest daughter’s wedding on June 25, 1988. But, her husband did attend along with their 13-year-old daughter, who served as a wedding hostess.

As I look back, Danny’s failure to attend the wedding angered me more than a disagreement. But, apparently, the disagreement angered her enough to decide not to attend the wedding.

For the past year, I indirectly re-entered Danny’s life through a Facebook Friendship with her daughter. Periodically, Tiffany posted videos and photos about her 7-year-old daughter and parents. Finally, I decided to inbox message and ask for her mom’s contact information.

It took me three weeks to telephone Danny. I was nervous. Was she still angry? Was I still angry? Was either one of us ready to forgive and forget?

When I telephoned, she was not home and I left a brief voice mail message saying, “This is a long-lost friend from your past. I follow Tiffany on Facebook and just wanted to touch base with you again.”

She called two days later, explaining they had been in the process of relocating from Arizona to Florida. We spent hours talking about our husbands, children, grandchildren, places lived, jobs held, etc. We both had faced life threatening illnesses and survived, since last seeing each other.

We ended the conversation agreeing to stay in touch to rebuild our friendship. We never talked about disagreements or failing to attend a wedding. I think the two of us were just happy for our lost girlfriend reunion.

Neglect

I have no idea when I first met Dorothy. Our mothers were best friends. Her grandmother was a friend to my grandparents. Our family roots connected in the small Mississippi town where Dorothy grew up; and, I visited every summer. I was closer to Dorothy’s sister and cousin during those summer visits as a child. But, when she married and moved to Chicago in 1963, our relationship grew and a true friendship emerged.

In 1969, both our families relocated to Madison, Wisconsin. Hubby, Dorothy and I were accepted as students at the University of Wisconsin. After graduating, Dorothy returned to Chicago; and, we remained in Wisconsin.

We didn’t visit; but, periodically connected by phone. Our personal contact was limited to school reunions, retirements, funerals, and weddings. Though, I did follow what was going on in Dorothy’s life as a friend of her son’s on Facebook.

Through neglect, Dorothy and I allowed our friendship to disintegrate. When I reached out to Dorothy, we affirmed how important it is for us to work on rebuilding this life-long friendship. Agreeing that the problem was our false belief that we would always be there for each other, when needed.

We now understand the need to stay connected. Because each year, as we grow older, our girlfriend population is growing smaller.

Grateful that I found two lost friends. While they won’t replace Rose, with proper girlfriend nurturing, we may become best friends forever.

10 thoughts on “Writing 101, Day Thirteen: Serial Killer II

  1. I agree with your husband! It is a very good blog!

    And such a great way to take care of yourself. I’m so glad you are reaching out to the people who were important to you in the past. And also reaching out to new people through the blogging world.

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    • Thank you, Karuna for your comment. Back at home after last visit to the Midwest, sitting out on the lanai, catching up on my blogging, and after responding to comments — will start reading the posts I missed, including yours, can’t wait. Take care/

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      • Welcome home. I’m still needing to catch up on your posts too. I’m with Amma in Toronto now, but these are the last programs on this tour so I will have time to catch up soon.

        Are you going to take Writing 201? It sounds like it will be much different than 101 and won’t involve daily posts. I look forward to learning more about it.

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  2. awesome! so glad you’re reconnecting with friends from the past..sometimes, it feels as though no time has passed but that we pick up where we left off

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  3. I always take away something wonderful from your writing. I, too, am guilty of neglecting a good friendship and you’ve reminded me that I need to reach out. Today. Thank you.

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    • Thank you. I am sorry for the delay in responding to your comment. But, I visited the Midwest two times during June — one for my grandson’s graduation and the other, a family reunion. So my blogging is so far behind, but plan to catch up on reading the blogs I follow, including yours, in the coming week. Again, thank you for reading my post and your comment.

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  4. dear Yvonne, this post really struck a chord with me. since my beloved Hugh died little over a year ago, as I navigate the tortuous road of widowhood (and 2 cancers), loneliness is one of the most heart-wrenching aspects. I think about all the connections, some very deep, that fell by the wayside when Hugh was so ill with multiple myeloma; then 2 yrs. into his cancer, I was dx’s with MBC, we were consumed with treatment, unable to keep up with social contacts – of, course, our closest and dearest were attentive and present. then Hugh died, so suddenly; then 8 wks later I was dx’d with metastatic uterine cancer. now I have found more friends have fallen away. I wonder sometimes if I am some people’s worst nightmare?

    but I am never giving up – if I love and care for someone, I still believe there is hope. and the hope that resides in my heart makes it incumbent upon me to forgive and reach out to other’s who perhaps just do not know what to say or do.

    this post was incredibly uplifting and such an inspiration. you have given me courage and even bigger hope that I will be able to reconnect with friends whom I’ve lost touch with and once again have them to cherish and be a source of joy for one another.

    and may I tell you that when I see a comment from your dear Jim, it makes my heart sing. his love and kindness shines through – it so reminds me and fills my heart with gratitude that I, too, had that kind of love with my darling, Hugh – for nearly 46 years.

    much love.

    Karen xoxo

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    • Karen, I so enjoy your comments and would like to read more of your writing. I can relate to your loneliness. With my hubby there are so many things that we enjoy together, and things that we both have no interest in. Before retiring, I had girlfriends, daughters, co-workers, and grandchildren to spend time with doing the things I liked. On the other hand, Hubby, in his alone time, likes television — the news, sports, and movies which are of little interest to me. So when we retired and moved 2000 miles away from family and friends, I lost my social outlets; and, he had more time to spend on what he enjoyed doing. The result, I was lonely as heck. But, then I started blogging — I met new friends, I was introduced to new places, I learned about different cultures, I communicated with others, like you, in writing my blog posts. And, I started to reconnect with old friends. The results, I am no longer lonely.

      On the other hand, my Jim has been in my life for so many years, the thought of losing him is frightening. Will I want friends? Will I want to continue blogging? Will my children and grandchildren fill the void? So, I know you are going through a difficult phase and pray joy, peace, and happiness is on your horizon. Luv Yvonne

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